Posts Tagged ‘stay at home mum’

Some days are light and sunshine and others are, well, not.

Sunday, January 13th, 2013

Summer in Victoria is a fickle beast. Some days it rears up out of nowhere and hits you in the face with heat and wind and bugs. Other days its so damn cold the jumpers come back out, and living on the coast quickly loses it appeal.

I feel a bit like this at the moment, sparkly and light some days and wanting to hide in the blankets on others. I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the weather but I’m not so sure if it also has nothing to do with motherhood. My old life seems a million years ago. Hangovers, long, late breakfasts, hour long walks with me and the dog and the only time I had to stop was to catch my breath at the top of the stairs, no plans, lots of plans, holidays to exotic destinations, weddings, parties and long uninterrupted telephone conversations. Some of these things I miss terribly and others I still have, but often they are accompanied with the guilt of putting on the TV to get some precious minutes to myself.

It’s summer here, so for me this has always meant holidays. As a kid we camped by the beach for weeks, eating Barbecue Shapes by the box and cordial out of a massive shared drink bottle. At uni they were filled with work, late nights out and at the beach and no study. While teaching it meant days and days of beach and friends and drinking and reading and fun. Now I think I am on holidays, but it doesn’t really feel like that. My husband had very little time off this year and our annual week away with our great mates didn’t happen with all the new babies on the cards. So it’s a weird feeling I guess. I feel like my life should be the same as it always is. Daycare is still on, most of my friends that live locally are around and my hubby is working. But it’s not the same. There are a million people on holiday down here that remind me all the time others are on holidays and lots of our fun activities we do aren’t on.

So what? Clearly a first world problem I know and I’d love to just get over it, but I can’t. When it has been sunny we head to the beach with everyone else. Hmmm not so relaxing when I keep losing track of the two kids amongst all the people and break my arms carrying the kids and the stuff cos I have to park so far away. It’s just never sunny on the weekend when it would actually be fun to go to the beach with two adults. So we have just been hanging out at home, getting stuff done. Which is fine except I do this all week!

I feel terrible living the privileged life I live saying I’m bored. But that’s just it, I think I’m a bit bored. Yuck, even the words on the page make me cringe. I thought actually writing them down might make me feel okay about it but I don’t. I often wonder if other Mums get bored. Bored of doing dishes, cleaning the house, washing clothes, building lego, watching Playschool, playing at the park, making food, playing cricket, whatever. Some Mums I meet that I only know well enough to be brutally honest with, (it’s funny how you can tell people you hardly know what is really going on, but other friends you keep smiling for), tell me they are bored. Usually this is watching swimming lessons, waiting for kids to get off the computer at the library or pushing the swing at the park. Some tell me that they don’t use Daycare, instead they just whinge about staying home with their kids. Others tell me they couldn’t imagine working or doing anything else but look after their kids. And good on them.

I know that like many other phases of my life I might regret not loving this period of time. There’s is lots of laughter and love in our house and we something fun every day. I think I’d just like to share it a bit more. So I have come up with a bit of a plan. A plan to have lots of family time, less boring house chores and much more summer. It’s just a spark at the moment, but I’m hoping it might catch fire and turn into a blaze that might just change our lives.

I’ll keep you posted.



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