My kids have superpowers and I’m not a fan

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There is no doubt that any ordinary kid, toddler in particular has the capacity to send their sane parents completely bat-shit crazy!

Mine had a head start, but still, they have achieved outstanding success.

Part of the problem are the superpowers that my children possess. Now I know this might sound like a good thing, and I’m sure that their friends will also love these as they get older, but at the moment they are killing me.

The Wild Child has, for a long time, harnessed the Stay Awake Forever super power. He has been the master of sleep deprivation since he was born; mine, his and his dad’s. He can not only stay awake for hours past what is normal, but he can wake us up repeatedly and still be up before bird fart. If he surfs when he is older, his mates will love that he can stay up late and then he will be the first up doing the surf check. He is a freak.

As for The Stink, well his super powers are only now becoming apparent. This child who for a long time went to bed without any of the high drama of his older brother, has developed a power of his own. The power of Night Vision and Motion Detection. We now have to be in his room until he falls asleep. And like some kind of predator watching his prey, at the first sign of any movement, his little head snaps up and the call of ‘MuuuuuM!’ is released. And we start the process again. I’ve tried playing dead, but I just fall asleep.

Between the two of them they are developing new super powers daily. One minute they can turn themselves into Food Missiles, the next they develop Extend-a-limb where any precious/ spillable/ breakable/ expensive item can be swiped off and smashed into a million pieces. The Tornado is an ongoing super power that gets improved daily as they can swiftly turn anything tidy into a giant mess in a heartbeat. Not to mention The Humiliator, Actually that could be their Super Hero identity! My least favourite is The Siren. This is where at any particular moment that I need to listen to an important conversation, news on the radio, or just wait in a queue, The Siren starts. Mostly this is The Stink doing his best impersonation of a car alarm. And even his cuteness doesn’t make that sound okay.

God knows what they will develop as they get older. Being surrounded by teenage boys at my school, I have a fair idea of the noise, dirt and smell that is my future as the mother of boys.

I’m just going to have to work harder on my super power. Invisibility.

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