Archive for September, 2013

Just love. That is all.

Monday, September 16th, 2013

Please don’t judge me I’m doing my best.

We are all doing our best. Sometimes its not the right thing to do, we all know that, but sometimes its the right thing for that moment and until you know the rest of the story, that is okay.

Whose business is it anyway to pass judgement on the choices we make for our kids? Unless of course a child is in danger, the parents can parent however they like. Once upon a time it was only the old ducks in the shops or the doctors surgeries that would cluck about the way that child was behaving. Now everyone has an opinion. And unless you are super skilled at completely avoiding the world that intrudes through your phone or your computer, you can be bombarded by other peoples comments over and over again. And it can make you feel like crap.

I had not heard the expression ‘this too will pass’ until my eldest was nearly two. I dont know if it would have helped the many hours we had spent rocking him to sleep, or justifying to other people why we were pretty unsociable and grumpy because of the little sleep and early mornings we were still having. But maybe it would have helped us put it into perspective.

Now I know better. I am the mother of two wild little boys and I am over justifying their bad behaviour to others, especially those who are supposed to just love, not parent, not judge, just love. They will be judged their whole lives, my two mischievous monsters. Kinder, school, sport, public, cousins, friends everywhere. It is natural to compare, I get that. But sometimes it’s better, and more helpful to just accept and love. Sure they might be attention seeking, or annoying, or embarrassing or infuriating. And sure the response to give in, or yell, or punish, or not is the wrong thing to do at the time. But have no fear, there will be many, many other opportunities to do that.

For now, for today, I’m just going to love. Love what they are great at, love how much they love each other, and love that they are pretty oblivious to the bad press they generate for themselves. It wont be long before they can identify the look of reproach of people who should love them, but dont right at that moment. They will get it from their parents too. So for now, while I can, I will cuddle and laugh and tickle and ignore.

Because that is what is right for right now. And how can anyone pass judgement of that.


Just a little tiny ray of sunshine

Sunday, September 8th, 2013

I have a bit to do with Gen Y these days. And my oh my they are a funny bunch, but I’m starting to feel sorry for them. It seems as though every time I tap into some kind of media, even my favourite weekend newspaper magazine kind, the pages are splashed with notions of happiness. We are obsessed with happiness, finding it, keeping it, having it, sharing it, seeking it, being grateful for it.

And in the competitive nature of social media and the constantly checked in world we live in, it actually leads to far more unhappiness than we are prepared for.

Life is lots of things. It is monotonous, repetitive and boring. It is surprising, uncontrollable and delightful. It is devastating, cruel and unfair. And sometimes it is deliciously happy. The beauty of that moment of sparkling joy is its brevity. It is the contrast and the unexpected nature of the blissful moment that fulfils its promise. To stop, mid conversation, walk or chore to feel yourself fill to the brim with happiness is pure delight. Today for me it was in the middle of a kids rock concert, (okay so it was my town’s version of the Wiggles), as I watched my two, totally different little boys love the moment, I did too. I was there on my own, quietly sitting and watching them dance their hearts out. As they chased each other around and made sure they knew where their brother was, and where I was, and just lapped it up, I smiled.

For that moment, I completely appreciated my two healthy, wild, confident, unique children. I loved their energy. I loved their smiles. I loved being in a room filled with people doing something good for parents who had experienced the never-ending nightmare of losing a child to SIDS. And the funny guys on stage were the closest thing I’ve been to a rock concert for a while, so that wasn’t too bad either.I guess I bothered to notice it, or recognise that this was happiness, and that is a big deal for me.

Life is really busy at the moment. Really, really busy. Im back working full time, plus three other part time jobs and while my husband is doing a fabulous job at home looking after the boys, I feel completely stretched every minute of the day. Exhaustion makes happiness a little more elusive, but maybe it also makes it sweeter when it appears. So today was a nice surprise and it made me realise, no, remember, to just lower my expectations and keep my eyes out for the moments. We get caught up with making every thing perfect and I am terrible at just focusing on the negatives. In a long day with two little people, there are lots of moments of tension or frustration. Working full time amplifies these as I immediately regret any negative interaction with my kids, berating myself for wasting what little time I have with them in an argument.

But that’s parenting. Some days are revolting, or so they seem. When you actually think through the day, half an hour, or three separate ten minutes are revolting and the rest is pretty good. This is the bit that is worthy of my attention, not all the bad stuff. And that’s what I’m trying to remember. We don’t have to be ‘happy’ all of the time, but we do have to spend all of the time bothering to notice when we are ‘happy’.

Now if I can get that tattooed on my body somewhere, I can really start embracing the Gen Y mentality.

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